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Contemplate *tut tut tut*

So as I've said before, I am a control freak and one of the worst things about being a control freak is that contemplation means crisis to us. Not knowing what is going to happen, not being able to do anything about it makes us wanna time-zoom into the future and figure it all out. So that we can be prepared for all that's going to be thrown at us. And of course, mixed with my constant cynicism, contemplation is not my best fitting suit. 

What to do, what not to do- the eternal conflict. Whether to go away or stay and try? Do I fix things or let them be and hope? Do I give myself another chance or do I pick up and start afresh? Do I pick old friends or new hopes for them? Do I let myself live freely and leave the future or believe in my self-worth and work for the unseeming dream, dropping the value of the present? What should I believe?

Contemplation brings me down. It keeps my mind screaming at me and my heart in constant doubt. Being a control freak- not knowing what I am going to do, what I should do- not knowing about my own decisions is a complete betrayal of my truest nature which demands control. Power and clarity.

As I said, contemplation is not my strongest suit.
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