Skip to main content

Contemplate *tut tut tut*

So as I've said before, I am a control freak and one of the worst things about being a control freak is that contemplation means crisis to us. Not knowing what is going to happen, not being able to do anything about it makes us wanna time-zoom into the future and figure it all out. So that we can be prepared for all that's going to be thrown at us. And of course, mixed with my constant cynicism, contemplation is not my best fitting suit. 

What to do, what not to do- the eternal conflict. Whether to go away or stay and try? Do I fix things or let them be and hope? Do I give myself another chance or do I pick up and start afresh? Do I pick old friends or new hopes for them? Do I let myself live freely and leave the future or believe in my self-worth and work for the unseeming dream, dropping the value of the present? What should I believe?

Contemplation brings me down. It keeps my mind screaming at me and my heart in constant doubt. Being a control freak- not knowing what I am going to do, what I should do- not knowing about my own decisions is a complete betrayal of my truest nature which demands control. Power and clarity.

As I said, contemplation is not my strongest suit.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome home, Mae

And so I packed up my bags and left, not turning to look back. Didn't take much with me. Didn't want anything to do with my past. Just a few documents, clothes and some cash to survive. And one photograph in the heart-shaped silver pendant that hung around my neck. I left without saying goodbye. Not that there were any to give. So I took the first flight out and left the town I'd always known. Where I had been my whole life. The only place I knew for sure. I moved to a new city. A big city. Where I could get lost in the sea of faces that walk it every single day. The thing about cities is that they're so full of life yet they lack life. They house people and families but they don't house a community. People say that the city is shallow. Materialistic and oblivious of reality. That cities lack a story. They lack character and depth of spirit. But they don't. Cities simply hide stories well. Better than any town ever could. Cities are full of stories. Ther...
Post a Comment
Jump for more>>

Thinking...or not.

"So what are you going to do now?" "I don’t know", I said hesitantly.  "Haven’t you thought about it? I mean, this is a big deal after all." "I don’t know what I think." "Well, I think you should think." "Yeah, I should." "Hmm" And that's how the night went by, watching the stars, loosing our problems within them. Away from the sounds of the city where shadows of dust overtake the gleam of the stars million light years away from us. Here, the stars shone bright and high up, as if taunting our lowly squabbles with the world. Here, they gave us beauty. Refuge in their beauty from the ugly world we faced. Because tonight we just faced them…and they were beautiful. 
Post a Comment
Jump for more>>

The Shadow

She's like a shadow. You feel her presence in the dark sometimes when you're scared of the too quiet house. Sometimes she's a little scary too. But are you scared? No, of course not. She's not there. Of course, she isn't. You're just being stupid. You're nervous because exams are around the corner. You're jittery because of all the caffeine you've ingested during the day.  You're just lonely and getting paranoid. Sometimes you're scared. Really scared because you know what she can do. Even though you know  she's not real. Of course, she isn't. Only stupid people believe those things. Only the weak fall for that crap and you are not weak, You're better than this. You deserve more than that. So you rise above it all. You work hard and win. You win  at everything because that's what you do, right? That's what better people do. They win. Of course, she's not watching you. She isn't there. She can't be now t...
Post a Comment
Jump for more>>