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Hidden letters : To the broken ones

To  all the lost and broken ones, Somehow, in some way, we're all broken. Our scars are on the surface, visible to all. Their scars are embedded into them so deep that only a trace of their effect is approachable.  And so us broken ones try to bring them up, thinking that if we take them out physically, if we can just release the pain from inside, it'll get better. That a part of the pain will go away. Or maybe that our pain is inside so we can't understand it. We can't believe its true. If its true, it should have a reason so we cut. To take it out and make it real. That way it happens and there is something real to cry about. That way you understand what it is. That way we try to empty all that inside so we can release at least a small part of it out. Once we can feel it and grieve it, it'll go away.  But it never does. Our scars only make themselves known further and further till they are real. Real in a way we never thought possible. Real so that t...

Hidden letters : Issues

Yes, I'm a weird person. An eternal cynic. A pessisimistic idiot who cannot believe a carrot claiming to truly being a carrot. So people ask me what happened to me. They believe that in the angel-demon theory. I don't. A person may display qualities of both but the two of them cannot inhabit one entity. I am not a demon and I am not an angel. I am a fallen one. I fell from either side and so far, none have claimed their alliegance. People ask me, the believers as I said, ask me what went wrong. What happened to me that made so unwilling to follow, to have faith and maybe, just once in a while believe with my heart and not with reason. To this, I have no answer. Maybe I was born this way. I reason and rationalize my thoughts and feelings. I have an answer to all my dilemmas. I can reason out every emotion but I cannot fathom why I don't believe. Maybe it's a dysfunctionality. I don't understand it myself and for a control freak like me, that  is the biggest cha...

Hidden letters : Hope could bring destruction.

You've hurt me a lot. Far more than you think you could've. Your words, your disdain, your disapproval- they've broken me even when I'm at my best. You've taken everything from me by just a condescending look or distasteful comment. You've beat me down. But it is my fault for being so gullible to you- just you, no one else. Gullible to believe you when you say something nice to me or appreciate my work. Gullible enough to think you want the world for me too. Truth is you want the world for only yourself and the rest for me. You may not know it and I may be stupid enough to fall for your manner every single time but I will never forgive you. Especially for these last two years. They've been torture for my pride. I have two more years to go for this torment and then I'll be gone. At least I hope so.  Because if I don't, then I'll break for real. And I'll be gone forever. For real. But that won't be on you, it'll be on me. Just me. ...