Un-synchronized Harmonies

"Killing you is like killing myself. But, you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us." -Arthur Bannister, The Lady from Shanghai (1947) She was the perfect little girl. She thought she did everything right.  She didn't know how it had come to this. How all the little things had brought her to this. She couldn't believe it was over, even though she was the one who had said it. She believed that home was where the heart was. Home defines us. But what if home doesn't feel like home anymore? What if it stops welcoming you in? What if it stops being warm and fuzzy and home ? Everything was fine at home. Because it wasn't home anymore. So it didn't matter whether she stayed or left. She could offer them better space by leaving. So she left. But she never left home.

She stood there and reminisced about home. She thought of all the wonderful childhood memories associated to that big white house. She thought of running down the stairs every morning when she smelled the waffles in the kitchen. She thought of her mother laughing when her tiny frame knocked into her. She thought of her dad half-heartedly trying to berate her for running on the staircase with a small smile on his face.  She thought of the little swing on the porch. She thought of Auntie El telling her stories about her mom, sitting on that old swing. She thought of the pillar in the living room where daddy marked her height every year. She thought of her prom day when daddy almost cried taking a picture with her next to that pillar. She thought of the day she packed up her room. She thought of how strange the walls looked without ratty pictures from school stuck to them. She thought of the first time she came back home. She thought of how it had felt. " Miss, do you wi...

I dreamed of that place tonight. The place that we loved The place that saw us become 'us' The place that we ran away to The place that hid us away from them The place where we lay watching the stars The place where we tried to turn clouds into cartoons The place where we laughed for hours at our unreal lives The place where we felt real The place where we talked because we needed to The place where we slept after loud fights drove us away from home The place where they would never think to find us The place where only you knew to find me The place where I would come looking for you The place that gave us comfort in its silence The place that became our escape The place that was our piece of beauty in the ugly world The place that became ours when we it gave us 'us' I dreamed of that place tonight. I dreamed of you. I haven't been back there since you left. It wouldn't be right without you. I want to keep that moment as it was in my memo...

"So what are you going to do now?" "I don’t know", I said hesitantly.  "Haven’t you thought about it? I mean, this is a big deal after all." "I don’t know what I think." "Well, I think you should think." "Yeah, I should." "Hmm" And that's how the night went by, watching the stars, loosing our problems within them. Away from the sounds of the city where shadows of dust overtake the gleam of the stars million light years away from us. Here, the stars shone bright and high up, as if taunting our lowly squabbles with the world. Here, they gave us beauty. Refuge in their beauty from the ugly world we faced. Because tonight we just faced them…and they were beautiful. 

"I had hoped it would all be ok..eventually. But it’s not. And it’s not gonna be. Ever. So I have to go. And it’s why you should too.” “But giving up isn’t-“ “It is.  We tried. It didn’t work so it probably never will.” “But-“ “In case you haven’t noticed yet, trust doesn’t come easily to me. I don’t do second chances and fresh starts. I do goodbyes and after all this time, I’ve become rather good at them.” “Don’t do this. You don’t wanna do this.” “I don’t, I have to. Goodbye, D” And with that I quickly turned on my heel and walked away feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. As I said, I’ve become rather good at goodbyes. Still here (unfortunately for me) K

And so I packed up my bags and left, not turning to look back. Didn't take much with me. Didn't want anything to do with my past. Just a few documents, clothes and some cash to survive. And one photograph in the heart-shaped silver pendant that hung around my neck. I left without saying goodbye. Not that there were any to give. So I took the first flight out and left the town I'd always known. Where I had been my whole life. The only place I knew for sure. I moved to a new city. A big city. Where I could get lost in the sea of faces that walk it every single day. The thing about cities is that they're so full of life yet they lack life. They house people and families but they don't house a community. People say that the city is shallow. Materialistic and oblivious of reality. That cities lack a story. They lack character and depth of spirit. But they don't. Cities simply hide stories well. Better than any town ever could. Cities are full of stories. Ther...

He ran his hand across the the shiny wood and remembered all that time he had spent with  his mighty friend. It had been so long, but he could remember the last time he had pressed his fingers on the keys and listened to their heavenly croon. The last time he had felt that ease and comfort in those sounds. He wished he could get that again. He wished for times when the music that came from the big statuesque in the room could heal all aches and make the world seem beautiful for that moment. The same music sheets were spread above. He couldn't help but keep his eyes trained on them. That song, her lullaby was the last song he had played. Ever since, Music too had failed him- just like Life and Time had. He would never hear that lullaby being hummed by her as he played it for her again. 'Halo ' , the sheets read. She was gone but in that moment as he hung above the piano nostalgically, her halo guided him back to Music and back to her. Back to himself....

Every tear a waterfall  In the night the stormy night  she'll close her eyes  In the night the stormy night  away she'd fly  And dreams of  Para-para-paradise  Para-para-paradise  Para-para-paradise  She closed her eyes and tried to block out the voices. Those screaming outside and those in her head asking her to flee. She tried not to give in to the voices in her head- the voices that told her to go back to the numbness. Just so she didn't have to deal with the voices outside screaming in agony. She didn't like the darkness that the numbness brought with itself with it. However, the voices outside were tearing at her insides. She decided to listen to the ones in her mind, thinking that they knew which suffering was better. She opened the drawer beside her bed and took out a vial of liquid from it. As she reverted back to her old ways of coping, her body slowly grew limp as her mind gave way to the uncertain vagueness. Ever so s...

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried I tried to read between the lines I tried to look in your eyes I want a simple explanation For what I'm feeling inside I gotta find a way out Maybe there's a way out Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I said Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors I don't wanna ever love another You'll always be my thunder So bring on the rain And bring on the thunder There you were. You looked very different but as if I could fail to recognize you. You had a different style now, a different colours- an entirely different appearance but you still had that conviction and the same confidence that you always exuded. Right from the start. It was a part of you that was unforgivable. I stepped forward to say 'hi...

You taught me a lot. You broke my heart and stitched it up. You were both sides of the coin. The one who stood by me while I tried to get back on my feet and the one who looked away when I fell. You were both a blessing and a lesson but when you are two people at the same time, how I can see the reality of you?

I wish for a happy ending I wish for a happy ever after Then I wonder if they exist I wish for eternal love I wish for unconditional love Then I wonder if such can be found I wish for peace I wish for brotherhood Then I wonder if there is any at all I wish for pride I wish for glory Then I wonder if they are as pretty I wish for you I wish for your love Then I wonder if it is real I wish for my happiness I wish for my wishes to be fulfilled Then I wonder if it shall ever be like that It is hard to believe when all in the world proves it impossible. Later mes amis!

Don’t cry cause it ended. Smile cause it happened. Yes it's been a while Yet I smile I smile for I have seen the best of times the best of nights I smile for I have lived amazing moments a journey through life I smile for I have survived a few sorrows lots of turmoil I smile for I know what it's like what I'm like I smile for all for myself for you all yes it's been a while yet I smile

But he was my best friend. We fought. We screamed at each other. We wanted to hit each other. We had misunderstandings. We had times where we didn't talk to each other for days altogether. But we were best friends.  "He is pathetic! I hate him. He is a nobody to me now. I don't know what he is up to these days. He has become friends with those bitches. I thought he found them stupid, shallow and annoying. Now, he is best friends with THEM? How can he do this to me? He was MY best friend. He lies to me. He doesn't tell me anything anymore. I don't even know him anymore. *sobs* But I miss my best friend. I want him back. NOW!" He did come back to me. After all, we were best friends. We had been best friends since forever. He came back. We didn't fight about where we had been and why hadn't been talking to me. I was just happy that he was back.  "Hey, sorry!", he finally said after over an hour of talking about silly random stuff. ...