Un-synchronized Harmonies

Sometimes I feel my mask itching. It wants to come off, take some rest. It wants to breathe without me living through it. My face wants to feel the air. It wants to be seen for what it is without the mask. My eyes want to be seen in their real colour. Sometimes the mask comes off...just a little bit from the edges. Then they notice it. They notice the fraying corners. It feels their disdain. It sticks back on leaving its edges within my face. Sometimes it feels their love. It feels its own pride. My face cannot do without it then. Sometimes it feels their acceptance. It stays where it is. Yet with time, its begun to edge itself deeper. With every nod of acknowledgement and every sigh of disdain, it brings itself closer to my face. My face cannot breathe without it anymore. 

I dreamed of that place tonight. The place that we loved The place that saw us become 'us' The place that we ran away to The place that hid us away from them The place where we lay watching the stars The place where we tried to turn clouds into cartoons The place where we laughed for hours at our unreal lives The place where we felt real The place where we talked because we needed to The place where we slept after loud fights drove us away from home The place where they would never think to find us The place where only you knew to find me The place where I would come looking for you The place that gave us comfort in its silence The place that became our escape The place that was our piece of beauty in the ugly world The place that became ours when we it gave us 'us' I dreamed of that place tonight. I dreamed of you. I haven't been back there since you left. It wouldn't be right without you. I want to keep that moment as it was in my memo...

"Mira!" "Kay!" *squeals* "How are you? Oh my god, it's been forever, hasn't it? I missed you so much. How've you been? Your hair looks so different. This new colour is so you. I can't believe you finally got rid of all the blue highlights. Oh my god, there is so much I need to tell you. And we have to go see Haley and Mel. They are totally clueless about you coming back. And we- " "Mira, calm down. I only just got here. I missed you too." "Well, you better have. Come on then. Let's get you home. Airports aren't my favourite place to catch up." "I am only staying for a few days so I'll just get a hotel room or something." "Nonsense. My house is big enough for us and the Brady bunch. Not that I'd ever have anything to do with them." No matter how much you try to kill it or forget it, home always catches up with us. I finally got home. As much I hate it, God, I missed this place...

To  all the lost and broken ones, Somehow, in some way, we're all broken. Our scars are on the surface, visible to all. Their scars are embedded into them so deep that only a trace of their effect is approachable.  And so us broken ones try to bring them up, thinking that if we take them out physically, if we can just release the pain from inside, it'll get better. That a part of the pain will go away. Or maybe that our pain is inside so we can't understand it. We can't believe its true. If its true, it should have a reason so we cut. To take it out and make it real. That way it happens and there is something real to cry about. That way you understand what it is. That way we try to empty all that inside so we can release at least a small part of it out. Once we can feel it and grieve it, it'll go away.  But it never does. Our scars only make themselves known further and further till they are real. Real in a way we never thought possible. Real so that t...

You know why we stopped believing in fairy tales? Because the princesses in fairy tales were beautiful, kind and loving. They were gentle maidens who were loved and adored. They didn't get angry. They didn't make crappy decisions. They didn't skip out of their wonderful castle. More than all that, they had happily ever afters. And while we grew up to be nothing like those princesses, we couldn't wait for a happy ending.

"So what are you going to do now?" "I don’t know", I said hesitantly.  "Haven’t you thought about it? I mean, this is a big deal after all." "I don’t know what I think." "Well, I think you should think." "Yeah, I should." "Hmm" And that's how the night went by, watching the stars, loosing our problems within them. Away from the sounds of the city where shadows of dust overtake the gleam of the stars million light years away from us. Here, the stars shone bright and high up, as if taunting our lowly squabbles with the world. Here, they gave us beauty. Refuge in their beauty from the ugly world we faced. Because tonight we just faced them…and they were beautiful. 

Yes, I'm a weird person. An eternal cynic. A pessisimistic idiot who cannot believe a carrot claiming to truly being a carrot. So people ask me what happened to me. They believe that in the angel-demon theory. I don't. A person may display qualities of both but the two of them cannot inhabit one entity. I am not a demon and I am not an angel. I am a fallen one. I fell from either side and so far, none have claimed their alliegance. People ask me, the believers as I said, ask me what went wrong. What happened to me that made so unwilling to follow, to have faith and maybe, just once in a while believe with my heart and not with reason. To this, I have no answer. Maybe I was born this way. I reason and rationalize my thoughts and feelings. I have an answer to all my dilemmas. I can reason out every emotion but I cannot fathom why I don't believe. Maybe it's a dysfunctionality. I don't understand it myself and for a control freak like me, that  is the biggest cha...